The Outlook for Thursday

It was predictable really that I was going to write less to this once the term started. You often hear it said about childbirth that the pain is never remembered. I think teachers experience a similar phenomenon. We have regular holidays, and it would be during these holidays that we would re-evaluate our work as teachers, but we mysteriously forget the intensity of term time as soon as the holidays begin. Instead we recall with fondness the term time as dynamic and often thrilling. It’s funny how little memory we have for stress or tiredness or the just-never-quite-ever-just-getting-there. (Nice grammar mister Waugh).
Wanaka experienced its first ‘inversion layer’ of the season yesterday. It’s getting cooler and I haven’t even begun to feel cold. I still sleep with the window open. I fully recommend an up-bringing in Dunedin for a life-long immunity to the winter chill. It no doubt helps that my little office is a good 3 minute jog from the networked photocopier. I keep active in my free periods.
A person I care about sent me a message talking of autumn and the end (or change) of a relationship that was very important to him. I know about the ending of relationships that are important, but it so often seems that the people who talk to me about this situation are the ones who have been left. In my case, I’m always the big bad leaver. There don’t seem to be so many fast clichés available to the person who does the leaving. He’s meant to move right on. He wanted the ending in the first place. He’s getting what he wanted.
He still misses the person he’s left though. He still thinks about the aspirations for his shared future that are now lost. It’s been interesting how much lately I’ve been thinking about my previous relationships. Sometimes I think it’s easier to be the one who is left. Then you can feel angry, get support, experience a self-pity that is fully sanctioned by the masses and ultimately move on. We all know the grief stages and we’re all infinitely patient with the aggrieved one. Grief in the one who does the leaving is largely regarded as unseemly. No-one has much patience with self-imposed sadness. Sometimes it is actually harder to face that you’ve been the architect of your own relationship failures.
You’ve only got yourself to blame.
I’m sounding morose, I know. I’m not really. It’s just that I have these thoughts as well as all the good ones. Dwelling under the inversion layer gives rise to all manner of still grey thoughts.
If I write in here that my warrant of fitness is overdue, will I be more likely to get a ticket? Somehow it wouldn’t surprise me if the Ministry of Transport and Google were in cahoots. It is overdue. I have to find a new garage with a mechanic who understands human relationships.
So, I ought to balance my risk and also mention that my lovely Poppy, the Landcruiser PZ70 is still for sale – go Google go, do your magic and find me a buyer.
I snore when i’m sleeping on my left side. I’ve been waking 5 minutes before my alarm, then falling back to sleep at 5 minute intervals until the snooze runs out. I’ve been trying to go to bed earlier. I’m making slow progress on that one, but I have actually been sleeping a few 8 hour nights. How about that?

… otherwise fine.

2 thoughts on “The Outlook for Thursday

  1. updoc says:

    I have a friend who knows someone…

    I read your comments with great interest. I have heard them expressed in a very similar fashion by a mutual friend of ours. (I feel somewhat guilty about speaking in codes using such a confessional medium but I do so out of respect for others who might not wish to be spoken about in such a public way.) I think that has helped me a lot to understand the ‘other perspective’. I did feel sorry for the aforementioned friend in that he was painted as the villain and the other was painted as the aggrieved victim. Although it might not seem like it, but I always saw them as equally aggrieved. I think that helps my situation now.

    I find myself in the opposite position to you in that I invariably find myself in the position of the unwanted one. To be honest, I’m not quite sure which role is worse than the other. I know being repeatedly rejected does little for the self esteem. It makes me sometimes entertain whether I should change the way I am but then again I fear too much that the next potential suitor might be looking exactly for my qualities. Stick to what you know best is what i reckon.

    Anyway have to dash. I have a job interview for a company where you get to relocate to Paris after twelve months. I think that has my name all over it.

    Good luck on your 30th present idea. I’d be interested to know the outcome so I might know what to ask for next February!

  2. deanboy says:

    in that sort of situation is it really fruitful to blame anyone? pointing fingers ends with everyone snarling, hackles up and ready for a fight.
    Like you said, ultimately we make the beds upon which we sleep (left sided snoring or not). Accepting the consequences comes along eventually, but when a person thinks hard about *why* they make themselves feel the way they do, they change soon after. We only pity ourselves and get angry when that is all we know. “The big bad leaver” may have one up to start because he already has changed the pattern of behaviour. Maybe we can learn from the accursed ex, i hate to admit that i might have from mine. 😉

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